I never understood how people can knowing bring others so much emotional upset without remorse. Being highly intuitive, can be a curse and a blessing in life. I simply can not watch other person suffer at the hands of my actions. I have this uncanny way of seeing life from both side of the street. I never treat anyone in a way that I would not want to be treated. As a matter of fact, I feel so strongly about that I had to learn not put my own needs behind others. For me, the pain of watching others suffer is far more painful than my own needs going unmet. I learned that my needs are important too, so I always find a way that all parties can find safety and peace. My experience is others have no trouble destroying me to get their needs met. That somehow their needs and feelings are much more important than anyone else and if it means crushing another soul that is simply a by product of the situation. I have experienced this time and time again. Though therapy, I have learned I am not a victim of my life. I know that the above sounds much like a victim role. This is just the truth of my observations in my experiences.
Until today, my blog has reflected little of my personal story. I have kept my personal story a secret. I was involved in a life changing and profound relationship. It came to an end yesterday. What I learned and experienced I believe is worth sharing. First, I believe the most interesting stories are personal stories of one’s life. Second, the experience was so profound and life changing, it is my hope that it offers enlightment to others. For most of the three years, I could not even put into words what was happening to me. I am a completely different soul from knowing this soul. Although, I consider it the love experience of a life time, the feeling is not shared.
Until three years ago, I view romance in a very traditional way. When I met this man my life was turned upside down. Although the years were riddled with difficult and painful interactions it was the most profound sharing of love I ever knew. Today, I struggle to grasp the emotions I feel about the experience. In my upcoming posts I hope to shed light on the meaning of the experience, reveal how it changed my very being and how to move on in life after such an intense encounter.