It Is Always About Me
In searching through the rubble of a broken romance I had to get real with yourself. That getting honest part is never a fun process. It is much easier to just blame the other person. Everyone that loves me will happily allow me to just point the finger without shame. Of course, I did nothing wrong. It has to be all him.
In the quiet of the night, when no one else is around, the truth begins to surface. What role did I play? Covered in the drape of “I did it out of love or I only wanted the best for him” the realization becomes I was in the way of love.
How am I in the way of love? How did I give selflessly and it becomes a negative impact to a relationship? Well, it becomes unhelpful when I started to get in the way of him walking his own path. Instead of being a quiet observer I wanted to get in there and help with all the struggles. I could not stand to the watch the pain of the journey. I was impatient with how life was unfolding.
Why on earth this showed up in this relationship I do not know. I was a teacher for God sake. I know how to be patient as people learn for experiences. I do not get involved in my own children’s growth. I guide them, but allow them the freedom to grow emotionally. So why did I get so wrapped up in another soul’s journey. The answer is simple, because he is just like me!
I can easily observe others growing pains patiently. I can be supportive and helpful, without being a roadblock. I do, however, get in the way of my own growth and being so close to another soul I got in the way of his. The hardest part to admit is I simply was projecting my own judgement, impatience and lack of love for myself on to him. When I am disturbed about something in someone else it is never about him or her. It is ALWAYS about me. It is about my lack of tolerance for my own growth, shortcomings or insecurities. That’s huge piece of humble pie to swallow. Being so much alike, in so many ways, I saw myself in him. I saw what I hate about me. I wanted to change that, but the mistake is trying to change that reflection of myself in another soul. I have to change that in me, not anyone else.
Today, I sit with the wreckage I caused. All hope is not lost. Today, for the first time, I accept my shortcomings. I do not need to be perfect. It is ok if I struggle with personal growth. It is ok to make mistakes for that is how I learn. Once I am comfortable in my own skin, watching another walk his or her path is not upsetting. Relationships, especially soul connections, reflect back to us what we need to address. I knew this intellectually, I did not however know how to address it spiritually until now.
So how does this look in reality? Well, it plays out in several ways. First, the new insight has to manifest in observable behavior changes. The personal growth is useless unless it can enhance your life for the better. Second, the lesson learned can be taken to new relationships to enhance those interactions. The failed situation can be left to rest between the two people. Third, the two people involved in the failed situation can agree to allow the new insight to develop between them to see if healing and emotional safety can occur. I would say how the behavior changes appear in your life depends on the depth and love of the failed situation. With distance from the wreckage and new found light in spiritual development, on the parts of both souls, in this situation, we are going to allow the new to play out in a friendship first. There is an open door to allow all possibilities to develop. What must take place before anything, is an emotionally healthy interaction between both souls. All souls are different. All souls need different things at different time. In this case there is a deep seated connection that does not want do be abandoned. In that case, the only option is to be healthy together.
From greatest pain comes the greatest growth. No matter what happens, I am forever changed. I truly accept and love myself. It was only now that I can truly love another.