What I Forgot To Do
I realize something I had forgotten to do the during this time of heartbreak. I forgot to allow myself to feel rejected. I uttered those words to a friend today. I was afraid to admit it. What did feeling rejected mean for me. Would it damage my self-esteem that took decades to build? Did it mean all the validation in therapy sessions of me being in a healthy emotional state is untrue? All it means is I recognize I feel rejected.
It is a kind of rejection I have never felt. The relationship did not fail due to my physical appearance or even the emotional bond lacking. The relationship failed at the soul level. How do you ever grasp and recover from that? What is soul level failure anyway? Well, it is a connection so deep it dwells in the soul. The connection defies all principles of traditional romantic love. It is a bond that lives on well after separation. In this case the connection failed. There’s a lot of complicated explanations why it did not thrive. In simplest terms it was not ready to thrive. The intensity of the connection was such the energy was too much to handle. It may seem I have lost my mind. I would agree, but when this happened to me I searched for answers. The truth is such connections do exist and there is lots of information about such a soul bond.
Given this is a new kind of rejection for me I am wandering a bit lost these days. Most rejections take place at a superficial level. I long mastered not feeling upset regarding superficial rejection, but soul rejection is new. The good news is I doubt I will ever experience soul rejection again. This type of a connection happens once in a life time. It has either expired for this life time or there is also the possibility the two souls will reunite to learn how to cope with the intensity of the connection. One can not run from a soul connections either. Once discovered it lives within us for eternity.
So what does this mean for me? It means I have to heal. I have to heal my soul. The first step is to admit I feel rejected. That allows my ego to step aside for the moment. Truthfully, so what………..I got my feelings hurt deeply. It does not change anything about the situation. It does not severe the connection. It does not fix the issues so the energy can be managed. It simply means to me I need to let go of my bruised ego. I accepted I feel rejected, now I move on in peace. It is like any kind of rejection that happens being upset serves no purpose at all, only the healing matters today.