“Love Should Not Hurt This Much”


Love Should Not Hurt This Much…………the words a friend shared with me today. I quietly ponder that statement. It is true we all think that love hurts. I mean after all we suffer the pain of broken hearts. Who has not felt the torture of loving another without shedding a tear? As a collective, we believe love hurts.

The truth is love does not hurt. Love is pure joy. If you are in a moment of love there is no pain. So where does the love hurt belief come from in life? The answer is fear. The fact that love feels so amazing leads us to a state of panic of the lost of that love. Now losing love is real! The irony is we can become so afraid of losing love that we actually drive our fear to destroy the very love we so desire.

I am involved in the greatest love experience of my life. I can honestly say every challenge between us is fear driven. I can say with full confidence between the two of us we may have experienced every fear people can have while being in love. The list is endless. The fears are real, in our own minds. Every last one of the fears is rooted in losing that love or the pain that comes with the lost of it. The very love we so desire, so cherish and so want to experience together is riddled with being afraid of living without it.

So the answer should be easy, just simply focus on the love. That is exactly the right medicine for this situation. The greatest catch in all of this is to remember that. Those nasty fears seem to surface time and time again. Each time the only answer is give more love to the situation. One can not reason with fear. It is not rooted in common sense or logic. The only way to stomp out a fear is with love.

I have found there are different way to use love to calm the beast. At times, I must simply hold a loving thought while allowing fear to pass. Other times, I must express loving and positive thoughts between us while fear surfaces. In times of great need, when we are becoming paralized in being afraid, one of us seems to be blessed with a moment of love that calms the situation.

Apparently, I am still very new at this love thing, in its purest sense, because the lesson returns over and over again. I would not say I am failing at it for each time I learn something new. I am just saying I have not mastered it either. My greatest question is will mastery come to me? Can I learn how to over come my fear of losing love in order to experience love? This might all sound crazy. I surely would have thought it was insane to write this before I actually lived it day in and day out. Each argument, each moment of wondering what the future holds, each day the only answer is to focus on loving that other soul.

The fear is generated somewhere. The generator of the fear is ego. The ego is a nasty monster. On the surface if appears that ego is a protector, after all love hurts. The truth is fear hurts. The ego wants control of love. This is where it gets really interesting. Love can never be controlled. Love is freedom! The ego wants to harness love so it says control that so you will not get hurt. It is all a lie. The misery of love comes from a desire to control love. The irony is the only way to fight the ego is with more love.

By some miracle of the universe, God or whatever higher power there is, my soul is connected to another soul that is learning how to do this. Thank God there is divine intervention, otherwise our egos would destroy the gift we share. I do not claim any gift or wisdom in this situations. Truly, I am a vessel to learn right now. If left to my own ego choices I would have completely destroyed this in a blink of an eye.

Love should not hurt this much is a very true statement. When you have two extraordinarily connected souls paired with over powering egos fear hurts. Every day God gives us one more miracle. We get one more chance at love. He quiets that brash ego with only a love He can inspire. I am not sure I will ever become a master, but I certainly know I am a bit more advanced than yesterday. loveispower

The Fear of Fear

fearI should know by now that life always gives me an introduction to what is coming next for me. Recently, I was stumbling upon articles related to fear. The topic focused on the root of all fears, as well as, how to conquer fears. I believe there was no mistake I saw several of these articles over the course of a week. Being unaware, at the time, that I was going to need this information in the near future, I causally read each article.

Like much of my life, I find myself in unexpected places, at unexpected times. I did not plan to revealing my greatest fear to a loved one, recently, yet I found myself placed right in the middle of just that. I had a rather introspective moment with a close friend coming on the heels of our 25th college reunion. As I shared the new found light regarding myself, I blurted it out…………my deepest fear!

I am not even certain I have ever shared my deepest, darkest fear with anyone. I think mostly, because I thought it was pretty clear what my source of insanity stems from in life. My loved one knows all the dirty details of scariest places in my mind, so I thought. As I revealed “I am afraid of being alone.” I could almost here the words echoing through out the world. Time stood still for me for a moment, as he replied, “You never told me that before.” My first thought was literally, “Shit!” Now I just gave away my fear that has plagued me since birth. Then panic set in as I realized what I had done! It was like the door flew open to the box where I keep all my darkness. I could not turn back now. To me it is somewhat ironic, because I have fear around my fear. Not only am I afraid to be alone in the world, I am afraid to admit that to anyone, most of all to the man I love. Here I stood watching that very fear just flew out into the universe. I paused and asked the all important question, “Do you think I am damaged?” He replied, “No. It is not damage, it is human.” He continued to explain how it shed light on events he did not understand surrounding me in the past. Now I wondered what crazy behaviors, thoughts or words had impacted my relationship with him all stemming from my demon. At that time, I realized this exchange had become a conversation better held in person and not via text. It seems my entire life unfolds in text messages these days. That is a whole other topic and issue. We later finished the conversation, in person, at with point I came to understand what he meant by it explained a lot.

I could write all about why I am afraid to be alone in life. That is another topic for another day. The point today is coping with fear. Not only am I afraid of being alone, I am afraid my very fear will land me in the very place I do not want to be. I realize all my fears are mostly irrational. Admitting my greatest fear left me with a sense of weakness or shame. The fear has completely ruled my life and destroyed it all in the same breath. I feared now it would ruin yet another relationship. I took a deep breath only to realize there was an air of peace, calm and stillness around this great revelation. I was not being judged, much to my relief. He did not turn around, running away screaming. He simply told me it makes sense. As he did not judge me, I stopped judging myself. I reflected on my fear of being alone in the world. Why have I felt this way my whole life? Do I cope with it well today? The simple act of admitting my fear set me free from it. I feel now it is okay to be afraid. I have embraced it. I have stopped irrational, otherwise called crazy, in my book, behaviors surrounding such a fear. The truth is what was such a source of anxiety actually helps my loved one understand what makes me tick. The most important thing is to admit the fear and become emotionally healthy surrounding it.

Did I do what the fear articles advised? I sure did! Did I set out to do it? There was no way I set out to address that fear! I never wanted to share my darkest demons with anyone. The powers to be sent me a storm warning. There were several watches, and warnings. It arrived like a tornado unleashing that door to where I store my vaulted feelings. I am on the other side of that now. The sun is shining today. The tornado destroyed an old belief, much like a tornado destroys a building. The time now is to rebuild.