Honesty

I took a long break from blogging.  It seems to me sometimes you have to take time to experience life before you actually have something to say about it.  So I have been busy experiencing life over the last nine months.

The last time I was blogging I was coping with a devastating separation from my love.  I stopped writing when we decided to start again.  It was months of confusion for me.  I find it very difficult to sound remotely wise in the face of personal confusion. I chose to retreat into myself for personal growth.  Personal growth is certainly what happened. It is difficult for me to put into words what that growth entailed.

I knew from day one the connection I have with this person is unlike any other I have ever known. In fact, I am not sure I know anyone, in real life, that has this kind of relationship. Perhaps I have read books or seen movies of epic love affairs that resemble this kind of connection. Although, in fantasy, these connections look so appealing, in real life it can be terrifying.  It is a relationship that demand honesty.  I am not speaking of honesty as in not telling a lie. I am speaking of soul honesty with yourself. I have learned that is the most frightening honesty of all!

I believe nothing in life happens without reasons. Lately, all the well-being sites I follow have featured articles regarding emotional healthy relationships.  I mean day after day new articles on the same topic would appear. I took it as a sign I should pay attention. God knows I can use all the help I can to participate in emotionally sound relationship. One trait of long-lasting, emotional healthy relationships is honesty.  I began to really reflect on that. Am I honest with my love? Am I honest with people, in general? Sure, I am. I don’t tell lies.  That is one kind of honesty, yet am I honest with myself? It occurred to me that in a relationships, especially the kind I share with my love, there is no room for pretending. The nature of the connection has an odd ability to flush out the lack of the truth.

Now I can not explain this. I can simply share  what happens.  I can best describe that there is a quiet knowing between us of what the truth is.  Let me say, the norm is to have your own quiet retreat, in which your thoughts and feelings belong to you.  In this relationship, we are in each others heads, as much as our own.  Yes, it freak us out!  What we learned is we might know the truth of each other, but it is up to each of us of to come to terms with our truths, individually. So we patiently or not so patiently wait for each other to come around in our own time.  When we forced each other to deal with the truth in was a recipe for disaster. It landed us in a place of misery that we had no idea how to navigate in to find  happiness, again.

Now, I knew all along I was not honest with him. It was not, because I did not want to be honest. I was being honest to best of my ability. After all, I was not even honest with myself.  My lack of personal deceit was rooted in the person I create to fit in the world around me. My soul, the soul I lived by as a child morphed into something to please the world around me. The truth is my level of sensitivity, empathy, honesty and intuition make people very uncomfortable.  So I developed a version of myself that was not authentically me, but it sure did make other people feel better.  The thing is the connection I have with my love already knows my soul, perhaps better than me.  So I am not fooling anyone and the relationship is destroyed, because I am not my honest and true self.

It took months of deep breaths and over coming fear to reveal to him my authentic self.  I did it little by little, testing the waters, that my soul would not be rejected as it has been most of my life.  Much to my surprise and joy, I was not rejected. My honesty was welcomed with love and understanding.  It was finally safe to be me for the first time in my life.  It has been liberating and terrifying.  I have a long way to go yet.

He has his journey. I have my journey. What I have found is a safe place to journey together,  a traveling mate of sorts.  Today, I practice honest in my journey. I practice honesty with myself.  I suspect that is the most important honesty you can have for without it you can never be truly honest with anyone.

 

 

What Is At Risk? : The Dangers Of Texting

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We are all well aware of the dangers of texting and driving.  The danger I am going to share is surrounding text messaging in a whole new way.   Many times I have run into the situation that my written words carry messages I never intended. The intentions are never good ones either! I am always baffled how what I type can be perceived in a negative light. It has happened repeatedly with several different people over the decades.  I meticulously chose my words carefully. I try to employ smiley faces in order to set a tone.  No matter how careful I am there are many times I find myself explaining how I never meant the words to be taken the way they were taken.  Over the years, I chalked up to my shortcoming in expressing the written word that reflected my true soul, because I had been trained as a research writer.   Maybe it was from years of writing educational research papers that focused on factual data and best practices in the field of learning. I was too technical as a writer. My writing was too dry, lacking emotion and compassion from the days of research based writing.  In spite of my high quality writing, as both a student and a grant writer, I was unable to express my true sincerity of my heart in personal affairs.  So I fumble through life making ever effort to ensure my words are not misunderstood and making amends when the words come across in a way I never intended.

Today I saw this matter in a whole new light.  I had a conversation with a dear friend that was sharing an experience of texting mishap.  Oh, how his words were taken out of context and understood to be something entirely different from what he intended.  It was so severe, he is concerned the friendship may never be mended.   As I, he spent much time explaining to the other person the words he send did not mean what was understood.  We continued the discussion on why this mix up could happen.  He felt better after sharing with me. I felt better that I could help him gain clarity surrounding a hurtful experience.

I got to think about this conversation in-depth after I left.  The issue with texting or e-mail is once the written word is comprehended one way it is difficult to reverse the understanding.  I pondered that thought. How could one person’s intent of an idea be understood in the opposite manner? It pulled me back to the days in high school literature class. Even the writing of classic authors can have many different understandings.  If a famous author, who society holds as a master of the written word ,could have his or her writings understood in countless ways, it is certainly understandable how a quick text message of a few words could cause chaos.

 I came to realize a very important fact about texting a message.  What a text lacks, that even a master writer would include in verse, is emotion.  When I send a text my audience can not see the love in my heart, the empathy behind the words I type or my eyes to see how my soul is a part of what I am expressing.  A text can just never replace that human connection.  The great lesson I  have learned is if I have something very important to convey, it is best to practice face to face interaction.

The human experience is an art form I fear is disappearing with my generation.  At least I know I am losing that human warmth of a heartfelt conversation by interacting in a text message. Being from the last generation to not have technology at its finger tips since birth, I understand what it feels like to speak to others face to face.  I am not certain my children even know what that feels like!  The children of today do most of their social interaction via technology.  The dangers of a misunderstood texts seems to be uniquely generational in nature.  My children do not complain that their friends have misunderstood the intent of yet one more text. Those are never words I heard come out of my kids’ mouths. The misunderstood text message belong to the old people. The older generation needs the facial expressions, the intonation of the voice and the human experience to engage fully.  Maybe the younger generations will not even understand the tragedy of social media replacing the human connection.  What is there to miss if there is no knowledge of the experience?  On the flip side, what will happen to the human experience, in general, if communication lacks emotion? What will happen to the emotional conversation in the future?

Ebola Reality: Hitting Close Too Home

ebolaJust this morning I addressed the importance of my focus on the Ebola crisis.  Little did I know a few hours later I would learn that the second Dallas healthcare worker infected had visited the state I live in this past weekend.  It is one thing to know that the virus has hit US soil. It is another knowing that one of the two people in the US to contract the deadly illness brought it only 100 miles from your home.  I know  a 100 miles seems far away, but let’s think about this.  Already over 100 people who flew on the flight from Cleveland to Dallas have been put on alert and told to contact the CDC. Those are the 100 people the CDC know for certain had contact with this woman. They have no idea who she was in contact with over her stay in Ohio. How many other people were in a public places with her in the last four days? That is a wild card question we will never know the answer to for sure.  In any given day, I come into contact with countless amounts of people just living a normal life and carrying on normal activities. One has to figure she was in contact with many more that will never be aware they were exposed to the illness.

With that all said, it is stated that the virus can not spread until symptoms are present.  All early indications are this woman was not showing signs of symptoms until she returned to Dallas. So this time, the spread of Ebola may have been escaped. I feel a bigger lesson it to be learned here. The CDC needs to ban those with high risk exposure to Ebola from travel.  As the events unfold in Dallas, it is clear that containing the illness has not completely worked. Statically speaking, the containment has been successful. I had read that one Ebola patients can be expected to spread the virus to seven people. Thus far, we have only seen two healthcare workers contract the deadly virus.  Frankly, statistics  are meaningless if you are the people who contracted the illness. With those at high risk having the freedom to unknowingly expose others we can expect those statistics to soar. My prayer is that we learn from this case.  Keep those that are at high risk from exposure to Ebola from traveling in order to curb the spread of Ebola.   Today it is Ohio, the rest of the nation is only one person and one airline flight away from standing where I do today.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29632433

Ebola: What Is Being Done?

ebola I have avoided discussing the topic of Ebola on my blog. I suppose the reason is simple. I have tried to keep the content light and uplifting for my readers. There is nothing uplifting about the Ebola outbreak. As the days go on, I find it increasingly more difficult to devote a site to health and wellness without addressing the current out break of Ebola. It seems naive to post information about preventing disease without addressing this international health concern. From a personal view, I am trying not to panic. I have researched the topic. My concussion and greatest fear is that we really do not have a grip on this illness, not in the US or aboard. I have included a link to the BBC website. I find this site very useful.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-29628622

Unfortunately … Here’s What People REALLY Think Of Your Selfie

Ever wonder what people think about your selfie? This article sheds some light on the topic. The bottom line is do what you what, because I doubt all people react to selfies this way.  It is good to be aware that some will react in a negative manner.

selfie

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14563/unfortunately-heres-what-people-really-think-of-your-selfie.html

6 Facebook Statuses That Need To Stop Right Now

Great Advice On Facebook Status Posts That Are Pointless.

Thought Catalog

ShutterstockShutterstock

1. The Cliff Hanger

“Ugh”, “FML”, “Days like these make me so depressed”

You obviously want people to ask what’s going on. About 5% of your Facebook friends will die from curiosity and cave in to ask what’s up, but the other 95% of us know you’re being intentionally vague for attention. It’s annoying. Stop.

2. The Shocker

“Going to the ER”, “Totaled my car”

If you’re going to the hospital or you have just been in an accident of some sort, you probably shouldn’t be making a status about it. This is not an appropriate way to tell your friends and family about something bad. If you’re well enough to post on fb, you can make a phone call.

3. The Private Message

“Omg I know you have your phone on you, bitches need to text back damn”, “Smh why do people have to talk about me behind…

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Part 2 : An Opposing View On “Why Yoga Pants Are Incredibly Dangerous To Today’s Youth.”

yoga
For those of you that read the first blog entry titled, “Why Yoga Pants Are Incredibly Dangerous To Today’s Youth. (http://susanne287.com/2014/10/04/why-yoga-pants-are-incredibly-dangerous-to-todays-youth/)Here is another woman’s point of view, http://blog.tatyanaleonard.com/yoga-pants-really-dangerous-todays-youth/

I found it interesting to see both sides of the coin.  My views are, as with most issues, to each their own.  Being an older girl in this conversation, more accurately stated, a mature woman, I have seen a lot of trends come and go.  When I get up in arms about how today’s youth dress, I simply take trip back to the 1980’s. We may not have worn yoga pants, but our jeans were just as tight, along with our leggings.  We had to lay down on the bed to zip our pants  up, way back in the dark ages. Truthfully, every era in history has fashion that raises eyebrows.

In my opinion, it is everyone’s right to dress as they please.  When I was a young professional teacher, I dressed modestly and professionally. I was still sexually harassed, both verbally and touched  inappropriately in the work place.  I reported the incidents to my principal and my union representative. They were unwilling to confront the man harassing me. I was told to stay away from him or resign.

The lesson I took away was it doesn’t matter how you dress.  There will always be men that objectify women. There will always be people that are ill mannered and rude. There will always be people that refuse to do the right thing.  It doesn’t matter what you wear. It is how society and the media objectify women.  The way a male friend got the man harassing me to stop was by saying to him would  he want his mother, wife or daughter treated like that.  It ended the issue.

If your personal taste is to dress modestly that is your decision. If your personal taste is to dress edgy then express yourself. Just know that what you decide to wear has no impact on the objectifying of women or the rude behavior of some men.  That happened way before your yoga pants.

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Vanity Plates: What Do They Mean?

plate6As I drove home late one evening, I found myself distracted, as I often do, trying to figure out the meaning of a vanity license plate.  It is a little game I play with myself.  I paused a minute,  then realizing traffic began moving again, what prompts people to have vanity plates?  More importantly, why do we choose the messages displayed?
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I can easily answer the meaning of my own vanity plates.   I display proudly, on my suburban mommy, soccer player transportation vehicle, the MUSBUS.  I joked, one day, that I was going to get those plates, after I found myself always with more children than my own in my truck.  I never mind giving others rides. I just began to find it humorous that I always had additional children with me. I began to feel I should be stopping at all railroad crossings and displaying flashing lights as I loaded and unloaded passengers.  I never intended on getting these vanity plates, but the idea amused me. One year for my birthday, my husband announced he did indeed purchase the Musbus plates.  In spite of the fact, I can never travel around without someone spotting me, I find it funny to have these vanity plates.  Others find it fun too.  We have had many a Musbus sighting.  Friends will post pictures on Facebook to claim a MusBus sighting.  When I travel to the town I grew up in, I will receive posts on Facebook the Musbus is in town.  My oldest daughter, when in middle school, had a teacher so amused by the vanity plates he nicknamed her Musbus.  Today, she is just known as Muss by her close friends.  Oh, I should mention Muss is short for our last name of Mussenden.  All in all, we have had great fun with our vanity plates and many laughs with friends.
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As I travel around, I wonder why others have the vanity plates they do.  I find myself annoyed if their messages appear encrypted.  I mean, my plate is fun and so easy to figure out.  I have  seen lots of really cute and clever messages over the years.  I see fun ways people display the love of sports teams or their families.  I see lots of grandmothers flashing their love of grandchildren.  There is even the very practical vanity plates that have the monogram of the elderly couple in plain view.  In all seriousness, I can completely identify with that one.  I find myself wander parking lots looking for my vehicle. That vanity plate makes complete sense to me.
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But, what about those vanity plates that make no sense at all.  What message is that person sending? I am I suppose to know what it means? Does the person want to be mysterious?  Maybe the vanity plate message is an inside joke.  One thing I know for sure is the roads are full of vehicles sending messages to everyone they pass.  I believe every plate tells a story of some sort.  That story may be one that is meant to be shared or it is private one for only that person to know.   I truly see it as a quiet means of self express.  The vanity plate is a little way to tell the world who you are.  I suppose I will play the license plate game the rest plate1of my life.  I am a curious creator. I so want to know everyone’s story!

Peace, Health & Joy,
Sue

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Why Yoga Pants Are Incredibly Dangerous To Today’s Youth.

yogaThis is a great read for any parent with a teenager, boy or girl. The author’s point is on target that we need to rethink dress codes and the impact on our society’s views.  We need to teach respect for all.

http://billingsgazette.com/news/opinion/guest/why-yoga-pants-are-incredibly-dangerous-to-today-s-youth/article_be9fb59b-9bcd-596e-bbab-5d13d6d3988e.html

To read Part 2: To read Part 2: An Opposing View of “Why Yoga Pants Are Incredibly Dangerous To Today’s Youth” click here http://susanne287.com/2014/10/08/a-opposing-view-on-why-yoga-pants-are-incredibly-dangerous-to-todays-youth/

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